I lived the second most dreaded day of my entire time in India. The kids left campus for summer break today meaning I had to say goodbye to them for reals. Not just goodbye Ill see you in a few days but goodbye I don't know when I will see you next/ever again. Even though I wasn't looking forward to it, I honestly thought I would be able to do it without being a blubbering cry baby.
I don't know why I ever thought that. That thought was one of my stupidest thoughts ever.
I started feeling it in my stomach as I walked over to the school. I don't remember when the tears started but I am pretty sure it was before I even entered the school. Because I really thought I could do it without full on crying I didn't bring any tissues so I ended up running back to the elephant house to get some. My second trip back to the school was just as emotional, but having tissues brought me comfort. I was surprised by the amount of "I'm ready to face this" feeling having a roll of TP in my bag gave me. Generally speaking, Indian's don't tend to show a lot of emotion as far as sadness goes. They are pretty matter of factual and almost kind of dry in a lot of some ways. Well, take that norm and mix it with my openly crying in front of a bunch of them and you can imagine how it was a little awkward at times. The best words of "comfort" kept coming from Poongodi who told me "Don't feel Ashley" several different times through out the morning. I am pretty sure "don't feel Ashley" was meant as "don't be sad Ashley, things will be okay" but it still -distinctly-came out as "Don't feel Ashley". Which is ironic for several different reasons but that is another blog post in and of itself.
However to be fair, not all the tears were sad tears. Most of them were sad tears, but not all. Some of them were happy tears that came from seeing the kids be so excited about seeing their family members--who had come to pick them up. Watching their little reunions rocked and made me think about how I get to do that same thing with my family in the next couple of days. The kids LOVED introducing me to their family members. It was so fun to see where they come from. Some of the parents/relatives I have meet in the colonies, some I have not, and some I had met and not known they were so and so's mom or dad or grandma or grandpa. The whole scene reminded me of some song I vaguely remember from when I was a kid. I don't know what it was called, but I want to say it was on 101 Dalmatians. I'm pretty sure John Darling sings it and it shows all these dogs with their owners and they match--like the bulldog belongs to the beefy gym man and the poodle belongs to the primped and primed French lady. Now let me be very clear-----the kids and their families didn't remind me of dogs and their owners themselves, but the matching of the kid with their parents/relatives (owners....just kidding) sure did.
All of it was a fun to watch and extra fun to see the kids use their English to translate between myself and their loved ones. They made me proud. Oh and the kids were so dressed up because it was a such a special occasion. I love it when the kids sport their fancy clothes.
And Guna--his family lives one of the farthest distances away so he was one of the last to be picked up--luckily for me that is. I was able to spend quiet a bit of time just hanging with the kids who were still waiting for their parents. The sweetest part of the morning was when a bunch of kids and I were playing in the hall and Guna called me over to specifically talk to him. He had a pretty serious look on his face when he asked "Ashley, do you have any babies?" I smiled and told him no and then he got a huge grin on his face. Almost tauntingly he said "Oh yes you dooooo! I'M YOUR BABY!"
My. heart. instantaneously. melted. That comment made the list of the five most adorable/sweetest things anyone has ever said to me.
Spending so much time with the kids was fun but it was kind of hard too since I had to keep going back to the elephant house from time to time to work on things there--I needed to move over to the Green House today as well. One of the times I walked back I saw Guna standing in the doorway of the school, with his backpack of belongings strapped on his shoulders and holding the hand of an semi-elderly woman. My heart literally dropped in my chest. I could feel it as strongly as if someone were to have hit my legs with a bat.
When he saw me he got super excited and motioned for me to come over. There was a lot of Tamil after that but I know he at least said best friend, Ashley, sponsor and clothing. His mom was super sweet but try as I may I couldn't stop the waterworks. Although we couldn't really talk verbally, she kept asking me why I was so sad. I had one of the staff explain to her how I have come to love India and the kids, and especially her kid, so much over the last year that it is hard to say goodbye. She responded with a lot of hugs and "its okay" pats, thank you, wiping of some of my tears, etc. But then she started crying too! That made me feel kind of awful and I am sure the other Indian around us were feeling SUPER uncomfortable but there was no stopping it. After "talking" for a bit we took some pics together, she proudly showed me some pics of her family and then gave me a picture of herself.
Eventually they really did have to leave so I walked out to the van with them, where most of the other kids were already loaded up. I took some more pics in an attempt to make the situation happier---well okay, happier for me because I was still struggling a bit.
And then we all waved until the car left the gate. And then I cried some more.
Whatever. I surrender.
