Happy Candy Man Day! (aka Halloween)

We started halloween out by going to Molgivadi, aka the J. Raj colony. Ironically most everyone, including the patients, was wearing orange. Of course the patients were just by chance, since Halloween means nothing in India.

People have heard of it simply from westernization, and I've noticed that there has been some scary masks for sale in some roadside shops over the last couple of weeks, but even then it has't been a ton and definitely not all over the place. Katie was trying to explain to Navimani the meaning of Halloween, its festivities, etc. Navimani was so cute as she was listening intently and then you saw the lightbulb come on (she probably remembered hearing it from past volunteers over the years) and she exlaimed "Oh yes! It's Candy Man Day!"

Errr.....that's close enough so we took it.

"Yes! It is Candy Man Day that is also called Halloween!" Needless to say there were a few "Happy Candy Man Day!" delivered to us throughout the rest of our time at the colony.

The rest of the day went as normal, with tutoring, playtime, projects worked on etc. Dr. Susan got back from the US last night so it was good to talk to and catch up with her this morning. I asked her if we could go see the kids in our costumes and give them some candy but we were denied. I guess in the past some genius volunteer dressed up with a mask for Halloween and scared the kids pretty bad-so we were not allowed to go show them our costumes, even though they weren't gory or scary. I was a little sad about that, but it worked out fine because we had permission to do whatever we wanted for Halloween in the Elephant House--and that we did. We all put costume ideas in a hat and each drew out an idea. Ironically, Ciera and Summer were the only ones who stuck with what they drew. I drew out a copy of something else someone had already drawn so we decided to change mine to keep things exciting. Berlyn and Katie didn't want to be what they drew so they did their own thing too-but it was fun to "draw" costumes out of a hat anyway. Summer is a Broadway superstar in America (No like for reals she is) so she shared her professional stage makeup know how with us-as you can tell by the pictures. Note to self, always try to celebrate Halloween with theater/artsy people. We definitely were spoiled. 

The plan was dress up, watch a Halloween movie and eat candy; but we ended up skipping the movie part because we were having to much fun dressing up and taking pictures-like staging them and the whole nine yards. It was kind of ridiculous, and to any outsider looking in I'm sure they would of thought we were the biggest nerds but whatever. It was a memorable way to spend Halloween, although I have to be honest, I did really miss giving candy out to kids and seeing all the different costumes. The kids are my absolute favorite part about Halloween, so thank you to all the proud mamas that posted pics of their kids Halloween garb on Facebook. You unknowingly, helped make a snake charmers on the other side of the world day!

Katie insisted on being my snake for at least one of the pics

Eyes

We went to our endearing Chettipunyum colony this morning. It was a quiet day as far as coloy goes. Every other Monday half the staff takes any needing children and colony residents to the hospital, which leaves us those who go to the colony with a little less then normal man power. It is fine though, sometimes it is nice to have quieter clinics because then you get to spend more time with the patients and nurses while taking it all in. I was on eye drop duty today. Ironically, I had never done the eye drops before today. I have looked into patients eyes while talking with them and completing all the other stations, and I know that leprosy often affects the eyes as the eyes are one of the more cooler areas of the body-but it was still a learning experience to put medication directly in their eyes. The following aren't pictures of patients I saw today, they are just stock photos I found on the internet that show examples of what some of our patient's eyes look like. And female patient's eyes too. :)

Seeing the eye sores/how the eyes are affect by leprosy so up close and personal made me feel that much more compassion for my leprosy affected friends. I wonder if losing your sight after losing your sensation to feel physical stimulus and sometimes even whole appendages and limbs is another twist of the leprosy dagger or something patients just simply pass through and accept as part of their disease. I guess that really all depends on the person and how/if they have made peace with having leprosy, but it was a reoccurring thought I had while working today.  I would imagine that no matter what peace you make with having this disease, it would still be hard and incredibly frustrating to see your body slowly deformed and crippled by it. In that sense, maybe some people find a certain peace in the blindness. And that gets me to thinking how emotionally strong these people are. Obviously, it is not easy and isn’t done perfectly by everyone all the time.  Our patients are subject to the stress and burden of the disease and humanistic coping mechanisms just like the rest of the world-that is why we teach the 12 Step Program within the colonies too. But when you look at how much they lose to their diagnosis-socially, physically, financially, personally, etc. and see that the majority of our patients are generally happy and love to laugh (and sing and dance if they are able) and are grateful and openly give thanks not only to us but to some form of a higher power whether that be God or Gods or nature-it is pretty incredible.

Besides those deep thoughts, I was also thinking about how my allergies have kept me well acquainted with eye drops most my life, only I have almost always been on the receiving end of the experience. I thought back to how many times my mom put drops in my eyes when I was little and it made me smile in a nostalgic way. Man look at all the processing-all due to some eye drops. No one ever told me India would become so therapeutic for me. Even though I came to help these people, I swear I am getting the better end of the deal. Which makes me feel very grateful and very guilty—but that therapy session is going to have to wait for another day.   

   

Surrounded by Satin

See that? Turns out I spoke in sacrament meeting today. I had about 10 mins or less notice I was doing so. And here is my chicken scratch/"outline" I QUICKLY jotted down. 

I don’t think many people could understand my English because of my accent, but it may have been better that way. President came to welcome me to church and followed “Good morning sister” with “I have two speakers that have not shown up to church today. They may come, they may not. I don’t know. Can you prepare a talk and be ready to speak if I call you?” I don’t even want to think about how big my eyes looked as I smiled back and said “Yes, I will do my best Presdent”. It was a good freaking thing that I had been studying Elder Bednar’s most recent conference address about missionary work earlier this week. And it was an equally good freaking thing my iPad was able to pull it up so I can whirlwind write a sacrament meeting talk through out VERY little announcements, a quick opening song and an ever quicker passing of the sacrament. I felt a little bad having to keep working on it during the sacrament but I got over that real quickly once President called my name. To be fair there was a less then 2 minute youth speaker before me-but still. It was kind of intense. I do have to admit though that I felt very peaceful and collected while speaking-which is something I can in no way attribute to myself but was extremely thankful for none the less.  However I got the time is up slip from one of the branch presidency members—which I found ironic because they never even told me how long I was suppose to talk for anyways. Gosh they are so picky!

One of my favorite things at church is how the members say Satan. Because of their accent it comes out Satin, which for some reason always makes me chuckle to myself. The lady who spoke after me talked about times when we are “surrounded by Satin” and it made me so happy. Oh and then Rebecca started a fight in Sunday School-it was a total accident though. She made a great comment that was completely true and logical, but it was clear that some of the men, well at least one man for sure, took some issue with it. It was kind of funny to hear them arguing in Tamlish-it was all tamil tamil tamil tamil-prostitute-tamil tamil tamil…….(she used the example of when the prostitute asked Jesus for healing or something like that. To be honest I don’t remember the story real well, but the whole thing was pretty entertaining.

Ah Chennai 1^st Branch. You always keep things interesting. 

Weirdness

Do you ever have those times where things just seem to be a little weird? Not really bad, just weird. Like out of the normal things keep happening that are just for lack of a better word, weird. The last couple of days have been that way for me.

We went to Pondicherry this past Saturday and lucky for us they were not on strike again so things were actually opened! Yeah! Right as we were about to be dropped off, it started pouring rain. It has been raining almost all week, and raining pretty hard at that. Like I had to go buy an umbrella it has been so constant. Funny side note, when it rains people grab bags and simply put them over their heads. Not over their faces, but over their heads so their hair stays dry. I don’t know if part of the reason they do that is because wet hair is often associated with getting sick, but it can be pretty funny to see all these people who are soaked through to the bone everywhere else but they make sure they make sure at least their hair is dry by placing a bag over their head. Here is a pic of J-Raj with Cohen during a downpour the other day. Cohen doesn't like getting attention or being touch by others very much. Silly Boy.

But that is not the point. The point is that it was coming down pretty hard so we asked Rajenderain if he would drop us off at Bakers Street, which is a little café we LOVE going too. He said he would, and dropped us off at what he was sure was Bakers Street-but it sure wasn’t and not only that but it wasn’t really even near Bakers Street. But the rain was getting worse and worse so we went into this little clothing shop to wait out the storm. It was an enchanting shop, in a garage sale mixed with swap meet kind of a way, complete with fake grass/mini golf turf covering the whole floor of the store.

Once the storm let up we walked the six-ish blocks to Bakers Street, where I got my usual ham and cheese croissant with a pastry, only I had to try a new pastry this time because they didn’t have the raspberry tart I am obsessed with. I decided a little lemon tart looked good. By the looks of it, it’s name, ingredients, etc. I was expecting it to taste like a lemon bar/slightly more lemony version of key lime pie. Seems sensible right? Imagine my disappointment when I took a bite and tasted fish. Strong fish. I thought I was crazy so I took another bite-but it was the same thing. I was so confused so I pushed it aside, worked on my croissant some, then went back for my third bite-which was the fishy-est of all of them. It was so bad I started pulling faces and getting goosebumps-I don’t know if I have mentioned this before or not, but I am not much of a fish person. I love to swim with them and see them but I hate eating them. But even if I liked fish I wouldn't have liked this pastry any more-especially not when you are expecting divine pastry and get a mouth full of fermenting aquatic life. The rest of the group tried it, and were gagging at the fish taste too-and they like fish! So yeah, needless to say, that went back to the counter and was switched out for a brownie faster then you can say Tuna. 

So we had the fake grass garage sell/swap meet store, my lemon tart that tasted like the dumpster smells of SeaWorld, and then we were off to the Grand Bazzar-which you can usually smell-you guessed it, the fish section-a couple of blocks away. Surprisingly today though, since it was a weird day, we could hardly smell it, and when we did it was so mellow even though it was still right there. I took the girls to the textile part of the Grand Bazzar, which I felt kind of bad for later because I basically took the equivalent of  a bunch of alcoholics to a bar.  3 hours later (okay I honestly don’t know if it was really three hours but if it wasn’t it was close) we forced them to move on, several shopping bags in tow. Berlyn has been wanting to get her nose pierced for a bit so she found a place to do it today and get this-the stud and piercing cost a total of 100 rupees-that is a little less then $2 USD. And it wasn’t in some dark ally way either, it was in a fancy jewelry store. I was holding her hand while it happened, while she was also latched onto the lady store worker, with all other available employees watching and laughing. She kept getting scared and backing away when ever the guy put the gun anywhere close to her face-but once it was done, she celebrated by throwing both arms in the air and cheering. Oh Berlyny. We love her. I have to admit that there has always been a small part of me that wants to get a nose ring. I think that with the right face, having a small stud or small sparkle on the side of your nose is so cute. I was really tempted for 100 rupees but I totally chickened out. With my luck I would probably have some massive complication with it, but even then, I can just let it grow in before it fully heals and then all that is lost is $1.75. We will see if I find the courage to do it before I go home, but for now I'll have to stick with my stick on bindi nose piercing studs. If only I didn’t have to worry about finding a job when I get home. Or MRSA. Or my allergies. 

As per ususal I am having a hard time with the video loading, but believe me it was funny. You can't really see her piercing in this pic, but I promise it is there!

The last weirdness on Pondy came at the super market. I FOUND HAIRSPRAY, a HUGE ball of mozzarella cheese, feta cheese, BLACK BEANS, baked beans. Blue cheese dressing and Chicken Vienna Sausages. The last two things I wouldn’t have the craving for at home, but I see them in India and the desire overpowers me. I don’t even think I have eaten Vienna Sausages since I was around five years old. I am constantly amazed at the food cravings I have had here. They really are so random. Every trip to the super market has become very exciting because I keep surprising myself. And just FYI, even the huge mother ball of mozzarella cheese was  pretty cheap-like less then 1/3 of the price of the Almond Hersey Kisses. Literally, less then 1/3.    

Happy Diwali!!

Today is a holiday--Happy Diwali Day! We haven't had much luck understanding what it actually is, but it still meant that we got to sleep in and have a day off. Diwali is also called the festival of lights--and celebrates the end of an evil/darkness period. Apparently, it is a pretty big deal, and runs five days in total. It is customary to wear a new outfit for Diwali but we modified that by only buying new bangles instead. After a loaded omelet breakfast (compliments of Katie) we rode bikes into the junction to pick up our new accessories (along the way everyone was yelling Happy Diwali--literally everyone), some Indian sweets and a couple of different traditional samosas type things. I was really excited about the latter things because I have found I don't love many of the indian sweets--they are so "heavy" if that makes sense. But give me samosa like anything and Im a pretty happy girl. Fireworks are also a big part of Diwali-only fireworks here are more or less just HUGE fire crackers, think mortars. It was a little un-nerving hearing them go off everywhere. There was no warning either-just a ginormous earth shaking boom out of no where. It surprises me that they don't have a larger variety of fireworks considering this is an Asian country that even boarders with China in some places (which obviously means they should have some sick fireworks right?) but oh well.

This is Summer. I will talk a little about her later on so keep reading.......

On the bike ride back I got a surge of energy and ended up at the gate of campus going pretty fast. I tried to stop fast--not even thinking that would be a horrible idea since there is a lot of gravel and sand-which is really only covering up really really hard ground. How do I know that you ask? Because I totally ate it. I wish I could of seen it happen because from how my body was moving I guarantee it looked pretty entertaining. And Berlyn made sure to confirm that it wasn't graceful looking in the least. Basically, my bike laid down and kept sliding and I was pinned underneath it. I scuffed up my arm and turns out my left leg was a lot worse then I was expecting-thank heavens I changed pants right before we left because the ones I was wearing before wouldn't have helped protect me much at all. I don't recall ever taking off a pair of pants and having shreds of my skin stuck to the inside of them. Things could of very easily been a lot worse, but the biggest tragedy of it all was one of my new bangles shattered when I hit the ground. But then, Summer (she is a new dance teacher that just came to us from Broadway yesterday--and we already love her to pieces) ran over, pulled off one of her bangles and promptly gave it to me. Who does that? She is incredibly sweet.

Once we got home, I ate a little, cleaned my wounds and decided to do something "crazy" and fix my hair. Like I thematically went through all the steps. I washed it, blow dried it and straightener curled it. The good news is I still know how to do it, but it was really weird. I was missing a few key products-such as hairspray-so the end result wasn't as good as I had hoped but it felt good to reminisce and delve into anyway. Apparently hairspray is really REALLY hard to find in this country. The locals use coconut oil to tame tame their fly aways as well as slick it all down. They LOVE slicking their hair down with coconut oil. At least where I am at anyway. I have spent a couple of weeks and gone to a few different stores but all without leaving with hairspray. Im trying again in Pondicherry this weekend though so keep your fingers crossed. If it isn't there I may be going hairspray free for the next six months. No hairspray keeps my hair cleaner yes, but lice like cleaner hair, which is not really a risk I want to take. 

Daily Surprises

Sometimes I have no idea what the day will hold. Okay well most the time. We have our schedules but those things don’t always play out exactly as planned. I guess that is life but it happens way more often then not in India. Sometimes the last minute change of plans can be frustrating, but most of the time I find them entertaining. Take this morning for example.

We had stayed home and had planned a busy work day, where we each worked on our individual assignments and projects. Pretty early in the morning, Nagaraj comes over and shows me a piece of paper. The paper was a printed out email from Dr. Susan saying that she needed pictures of night school and tutoring sessions. Fair enough. Seems simple.  

“We don’t have current pictures of those things now but that's fine” I tell him, “we can arrange to have someone take pictures at those events today and tonight.” 

“No Ashley, that won’t work. Ma’am needs it now!” he said as he pointed to the words immediately and urgent on the paper.

“But it isn’t night time and the children are already in classes.” I said. Leaving out the fact that even if we sent photos right away it would be Dr. Susan’s night in the US (She is actually in Utah right now--to be honest I'm a little jealous) so she wouldn’t get them until tomorrow morning anyways.

“I know, but we have to do it now, hence this” he says pointing out the word urgent to me once again. “So how are we going to do this?”

He stares at me blankly. Cricket cricket. 

“………………try to create night school in the morning I guess.”

“YES!!! Good idea! We will do this!” He exclaimed. “Come now.”

“Okay, I’ll be over at the school in ten minutes.” I reply—because I was still in my pajamas, hadn’t washed my face or brushed my teeth yet.  Plus I needed to pass the message along to Berlyn for back up.

Not more then three minutes after he left, Nagaraj called and informed me that we needed to come to the school right away because they are ready.  10 mins/3 mins, that's almost the same thing right? Whatever. Berlyn and I make our way over and dove right into creating and documenting “night school” mid morning. It was like we were setting up a movie set. The children were so confused. “Auntie what are you doing?” they pretty much all asked. “Having night school,” we would reply. And almost without fail every single one of them said, “No Auntie, it is daytime.” Thanks for that kids. We had totally forgotten. Turns out they recreated art club as well, so we took pics of that along with “evening school” which was the easiest of them all. It was such a random assignment. An adventure for sure. It always is.

It's convincing enough right?

Another assignment we had this week was game time with the kids. This is different then playtime with all the kids-we only had a small group of kids today and it was part of our education rotation, so the kids could practice their English. After flashing back to grade school by playing Heads up Seven Up and Bubblegum Bubblegum, we decided to play telephone. It was hands down one of the funniest things I have done since being in India. Much like the kids can’t play Red Rover without walking up to the other team’s faces and talking smack to them, they couldn’t play telephone without grabbing the other persons head, putting their lips right on their ear (or grabbing the persons ear and stretching it out before whispering in it—because this obviously helps them to hear better) and then using both hands to shove the persons head away as soon as they were done whispering. They weren’t doing this to be mean, they were just so excited about playing the game that all their actions were so intense. Then of course you have the one kid that insists on speaking total gibberish every time it is her turn, and the other kid who whispers so softly you don’t hear much of anything other then them breathing, and simply the phrases they could come up with--it was a riot.

Moral of the story is I absolutely love the diversity of my days here. I literally never know what to expect and am constantly put on the spot with the most unexpected things. It keeps me on my toes for sure. 

AND here are a few pictures from when we did delousing on the kids. I know, I know, this has absolutely nothing to do with this post, but they are too cute not to share. I love when the kids wrap their heads. It's like India and Africa unite, and it makes me a pretty happy girl.

Q & A

I've had a couple of repeating questions so here are my response. Not that I think many of you will find this relevant-or even that I think you should be interested-but its all part of my journey here so I need to record it. If you don't want to read, you have been warned.

Q: Are things really going as good as they sound like they are?
A: Honestly, they really are. I will be the first to say things are not perfect. You can not take several different people from several different backgrounds, states, countries, religions, traditions, talents, strengths and weaknesses, throw them into a physically and emotionally draining experience, mix in a whole lot of jet lag, very little personal space, abnormal digestive activities and finally top it all off with the constant dripping of sweat and expect everything to come out all Cheesecake Factory like. Of course there are hard things. We have a running joke among the volunteer program leadership about how we should create a reality TV show called, "The Elephant House"--and we would have a lot of material. It wouldn't necessarily be a Jersey Shore type thing, but more Modern Family style-where life happens and there are sometimes mis-understanding due to personality quirks and different communication styles-BUT-there are a lot of happy and funny things happening too. And at the end of the day, pretty much everyone that comes to Rising Star is here to help others, bringing their own unique blend of compassion and adventure. I'll be real with you, there has been one or two days--only one that immediately comes to mind-that have been really hard, and I've thought to myself "What the hell did I get myself into......", but those days and thoughts are not constant enough or serious enough to write home about. In the end, we all work together. We all bug one another from time to time, we all get hangry a little more often then most of us like to admit (or maybe that is just me so Im admitting it right here, right now), but we also realize how lucky we are to have this experience and live each day to the fullest-to the point that the hard things don't hold a candle to the other memories and experiences we are blessed to have daily.

Q. Have you lost weight?
A: Yes I have, around 20 lbs.

Here are two pics from when I said goodbye to my mom at the airport and from one of my first days in India

And here is a recent pic with one of the dental program directors from the other day

Q. How did you do it?

A: I specifically haven't done to much different then the things I always try to do at home--only here in India I am finding it easier to eat better (since I don't have my own transportation to just run out and pick something up quickly, everything is more pure, the local diet is mainly vegetarian, etc.) and that I am able to eat a ton more fruits and veggies then I ever could at home. Honestly though, I think a lot of the weight loss has more to do with how I feel inside rather than me doing so much of this thing or none of that one particular thing. I still eat junk food sometimes, I still drink soda sometimes, I still eat out from time to time, I still don't get enough sleep some nights-but overall I am pretty darn happy. I have mentioned a little about this before so feel free to tune out or skip this part if you want to, but I really wasn't in a good place prior to coming to India. There were a lot of different things happening, my body was working some but not fully and not always consistently and I was in some pretty toxic situations. I am not saying these things to in any way portray myself as a victim though. I have always been a big believer in the power of choice and taking charge of your life. But ironically, that belief is where some of the hardest things stemmed from. I could see things I wanted to change/needed to change but it seemed that no matter how hard I tried to do it, no matter what choices or resolves I made, no matter how I tried to take charge of my life, I just kept failing.

Whether it was failing at a specific goal, or looking for new opportunities with absolutely nothing panning out or being beat down after consciously choosing to hold my head up high and be the bigger person in ridiculous situations day after day after day, it seemed to be to no avail. I felt betrayed, betrayed by my body, heaven, myself and others who I had trusted for so long. I felt like my health concerns and my needs as a person were not taken seriously because they didn't involve infertility issues or a husband so obviously I had no "real" problems or reasons worth making exceptions for. I felt helpless. I felt like no matter what I did, what steps I took, what new methods I employed, what doctors I saw, no matter how much patience I practiced, how much forgiveness and numerous chances I gave to myself, or to others, OR were given to me, no matter what I said or didn't say, no matter how many blessings I would ask for or recognize or prayers I said or callings I fulfilled, nothing made a difference or brought much relief. I felt like years of learning, experiences, and working as hard as I could meant absolutely nothing. It literally felt like I didn't have choices and that I wasn't in control of much of anything-my body specifically-which was really frustrating and honestly kind of scary. I always ended up at a dead end with no where to go and no where to turn. At times, even looking up didn't seem to be doing much either. And although I knew everything happens for a reason, and I knew that however abandoned I felt that I was truly never alone, it all wore on me. It wore on me A LOT-especially because the feelings pretty much described how I felt in all areas of my life-at work, at home, in dating, socially (of course I always had my life long friends, I love you all, you know who you are), financially, etc. It was some pretty heavy stuff, which of course compounded my already present health struggles. Some of the weight gain was from the health problems, but I have to own the fact that there were times that I would self sooth myself through food. Because food could be a "reward" and a way to be good to myself that didn't make me feel frivolous because food is a basic need. Even though it made me feel better temporarily, it was basically just a greasy deep fried bandaid fix and obviously wasn't helping me completely heal physically or emotionally.

There were more then a few times when I thought I should quit my life--not like a suicidal quit-but like push a really really long sleep button. And keep it pushed for a long long while. I was heart broken. I was exhausted. I was more then merely discouraged. I felt so alone. And it was hard. It was hard to stand alone. At times I was standing alone, and yet simultaneously was standing for the underdogs who didn't feel like they had a voice but needed one. And then I came to realize that for the first time in my life, I had been put to the test and come out 100% true to myself and my feelings in a way I hadn't ever done before. It was empowering. It was needed and it was necessary. I started to feel little rays of sunshine, whispering that something really good was just around the corner. The despair was still there but I started to feel hopeful that all the darkness hadn't been in vain, that it was meaningful and preparing me for something new. It was teaching me things I would use--things that I now have used. All my hard work, schooling and dedication hadn't been in vain, I was just reaping the fruits of that work somewhere different then I ever could of imagined. Things I had dreams of doing and felt capable of doing but never really thought I would get the opportunity to do. I felt like I was going somewhere soon, most likely international. And then there were still months of waiting, but one day, India appeared on the radar and by the next evening, I knew I was going-I just didn't know what my exact role would be and for how long I would be here. And even though the couple of months I had between finding out I was going and actually leaving were not carefree and peaceful (for reals though, like my car started breaking down every other week and my visa took FOREVER to get to me, people where still ridiculous, I wasn't feeling all the way well yet, etc.) I was able to detect some form of peace anchoring inside me.

Despite the road blocks, that peace has continued to grow. I don't have all the answers right now, and who knows if or when I ever will. But I do know some things. I know that physiologically, it wasn't "time" for me to feel better yet. I say that because I found out (while in India actually) that the medicines I had been given really start to kick in around 6-ish months (give or take a few months)-which ironically, hit about the time I arrived in India. There is a specific supplement that I was recommended to take in the U.S. that I didn't because I couldn't afford-it would have cost me about $800.00 a month-WITH my insurance-but I am able to get it here for a reasonable price and I think that has helped a lot as well. I am removed from the toxic situations I was in. I am growing and progressing and no longer feeling trapped in perpetually dead end situations. Sometimes I wondered if the reason nothing was working was because it wasn't suppose too-but now I can say that I KNOW they weren't working because they absolutely weren't suppose to. If they had, I wouldn't have learned the things I needed to and I wouldn't have ended up here, on the other side of the world, having a purpose, feeling alive and so much better physically, emotionally and mentally then I have in a very long time. I know finally feeling better isn't the only reason I have lost weight-the other factors have played a role as well, but to me, feeling better, having my motivation back, no longer feeling like I am rotting inside--is why/how I lost the majority of the twenty pounds. I know that is a long answer to such a simple question, but I can't accurately anwser it any other way. Of course, walking around everywhere, chasing kids and always sweating like crazy is sure to help some too.

Q. Are you really safe?
A: Yes, I really am. Of course there are certain risks here I don't have to worry about at home, i.e. poisonous snakes, malaria, monkeys etc. but I'm protecting myself the best ways I can so yes, I feel very safe. Ironically, I was just reading something today about how India is the #6 most dangerous place to vacation in the world. And wouldn't you know it, the #1 and #2 places boarder with India, but I've already gone to and returned safetly from #3-and I am not vacationing here, I am living here so that makes a difference right? Right. To be honest, I was surprised it was on the list. I know life is really hard here, they didn't simply make up Slumdog Millionaire. Yes, there are horrible things that happen in India, but I'm in one of the less dangerous parts of the country and don't see or hear a lot about those things. However, just to be safe, we still live as if we in the more dangerous parts of the country. Just like there are good and bad parts of America, there are good and bad parts to any country. And there is a lot of really good people and really good things that happen in India too. I feel safe enough that I think everyone should come here at least once. It is such a beautiful and diverse country. You can't be here without learning more about the world and yourself. Besides, they have very blunt public safety signs about driving fast, smoking, etc. Even the colonies we work in have an illustrated rule list which shows the rule being broken and what the punishment will be. One of the nice things about living in a blunt society is that they have golden public health/public service/public safety campaigns.

Don't worry, here are some close ups

 
Q. Is there any sort of potential Indian boyfriend/ future Indian husband in the picture?
A: Absolutely not. First of all, with all the arranged marriages this country has, having a son "date" (they don't really date here) or paired up with a non-Indian American white girl is pretty much unheard of. And if it does happen, it isn't necessarily looked upon as acceptable. For another, with how patriarchal things are here, I would make a horrible wife by Indian standards. I could cook and clean and raise children just fine, but I feel pretty confident in saying I would most likely be seen as too outspoken and aggressive by most-I mean come on, I box men out in line at the grocery store. Thirdly, I said it before I left and I will say it again because it still holds strong (perhaps even more so now), I have no freaking dowry to offer anyway. I wouldn't stand a chance. And that is okay because I don't meet a lot of single Indian guys anyway. And who knows, God has a sense of humor so maybe he will send someone to prove me wrong just because I wrote this, but I would estimate the chances of that happening is probably about 1 in 5,000,000. At the very least 1 in 5,000,000. Although, I have to admit that I do think it would be pretty cool to wear something like this, just once in my life. Perhaps I can have a pretend Indian wedding before I come home?